someone took a close-up of grapes, idk man.

An Argument For Grapes – the Ballistically Smart Fruit

I’d like to pick a fruit fight.

A bowl of grapes sat on my desk at work, and the thought of flicking one across the room to bounce off a forehead was really tempting. My family and friends can attest to the fact that I have hucked a fair amount of fruit at them over the years. In fairness, some of the fruit-throwing was provoked. If someone says “do it, you won’t,” what is there to do?

In case there was concern, I did make it through the work day without any grapes flying through the air.

Reflecting on all the fruit-launching, I’ve come to the conclusion that the grape is the best choice for throwing.

Consider your personal favorite fruit. If you were to try and throw the fruit, what would that look like? Some fruits are just stupid choices, like cantaloupes. They’re weighty and all they do is bulk up fruit salad. A blueberry isn’t a bad idea, but it’s so light that doesn’t fly well, and someone’s gonna be pissed if they have to scrub a purple stain out of clothing. There are others choices probably better suited as biological weapons, like durian. Durian could arguably be an effective ground-based weapon, akin to a caltrop.

Enter the grape.

Grapes fly with a reasonable degree of accuracy, don’t leave marks if you hit your target (though they’re heavy enough to irritate), grapes taste good, they’re light, and easily obtained. As a bonus, if the grape is ripe, there’s no spatter on impact or airborne scatter.

Regardless of what kind of grape it is, I’ll peg it across the room, no questions asked.

If you’re wondering what kind of person thinks about these arguments, I make no apologies. I went to grape lengths to compile this. Don’t be sour.

Eat it, nerd.


The Rules of the English Language:

bal·lis·tic: (bəˈlistik/) adjective – relating to projectiles or their flight.
ad·verb: (ˈadˌvərb/) noun – a word or phrase that modifies or qualifies an adjective, verb, or other adverb or a word group, expressing a relation of place, time, circumstance, manner, cause, degree, etc.

these are actually ruins of poseidon's temple in greece. joke's on you.

Rome Wasn’t Built in a Day

But they sure had more than one person to help build it.

I did some super serious math; the time it would take one person to build the entire city of Rome at its peak population would be approximately a kajillion years. Seriously – one person tasked with creating the entire infrastructure and bits and pieces of Rome would go absolutely insane. They’d throw up their hands and quit. Stomp off in their leather sandals screaming something about the exceedingly high expectations of their boss and just where they can shove their amphora. The building materials and partially finished city would just sit there forever as a parade of people walked past going “yeah, I’m not gonna be the sucker who tries to take that on.”

When I decided to re-launch my blog, I had four hundred ideas and a lot of enthusiasm. Two weeks later, upon purchasing server space and a domain, I had at least six feasible ideas and a moderate amount of enthusiasm. The enthusiasm was mostly caffeine. A week and a half after that, packing up my apartment in preparation for moving to my new space, I had four ideas that I was fairly sure I could do and no enthusiasm. I knew I should do it, since I had already bought the digital space. I put it in the nebulous ‘I’ll get to it someday pile.’

Fast-forwarding three weeks to the present, I had an epiphany and a turkey burger. Mostly because the turkey burger was sitting in my fridge, and Diet Coke can’t be the only thing in ones diet.

I look at all my favorite design blogs and websites with their well-defined structure and layout and I’m trying to create the same multifaceted site with my limited spare time, resources, and knowledge, and expecting perfection. These sites may have a figurehead, but they were built with a team and with time. I, for as much as I’ll deny it, am a single person with limited free time.

Take By Dawn Nicole. Her work is pretty baller stuff. If you throw the URL in the Wayback Machine to a few months after launch, then you’ll see its foundations. It was just her – albeit with a pretty cool site – in her spare time.

I decided I was being stupid. A turkey burger needs Frank’s Red Hot. That, and I can’t wait around for that indefinite ‘it’s finished and perfect!’ date to revive and release a blog. That date will never come; I will have stomped off screaming. The ideas that have bounced around in my head can be fleshed out in time and with help. A two-page site with blog posts is a good place to start.

Until next time.